New York City, NY:
In a surprise move that shocked supporters and staff alike, Hillary Clinton arrived at the Ecuadorian Embassy today and formally requested asylum within the building.
The request was completely unexpected, especially as President-Elect Trump announced today that he would not be seeking any further investigation or criminal charges against Ms. Clinton.
Our Flying Car News Team was able to gain access to the embassy from the roof and question Ms. Clinton directly about the potential for any further criminal charges:
“Really, from Donald? Oh heavens no, we sorted all that out months ago!” she laughingly told our reporters. “I’m not worried about Donald. But I’ve got a TON of presidential appointment and treaty customers demanding refunds. And some of those people don’t fuck around. Just two days ago someone left a burning goat carcass on our doorstep! Have you ever tried to get the smell of scorched goat pelt out of a Christian Dior pantsuit? I’ll tell you what, you can’t. Totally ruined. I doubt I can even get the full write-off when I donate it.”