NSA Offers Free Personal Manager App, Pre-Loaded with Your Next Five Years of Appointments

My NSA Five Year BuddyNSA Utah Data Center:

In a brief and yet-to-be-denied press conference, National Security Agency spokesmodel Serenity Builtright announced a new public outreach initiative, the first of it’s kind ever undertaken by the generally secretive agency.

Destined to be available free of charge and automatically installed on all smart phones in the US by Christmas of 2016, My NSA Five Year Buddy is a very compact and responsive Calendar/Planner app with several distinctive features. Chief among these is, it will come pre-loaded with all of your appointments, dates and and special occasions for the next five years.

“We’ve long felt the need to reach out to the public,” stated Ms. Builtright. “We have really ignored the public relations aspect of our mission. This gift to you, the citizen clients, is our way of showing that we’re not so bad. In fact, I’d dare say we are a very friendly and jovial bunch. We’re just misunderstood. This is the first of many goodwill gestures we plan over the coming years.”

When asked about the forward-looking technology behind the app’s ability to have such a comprehensive and detailed amount of information concerning events that have yet to be scheduled, Ms Builtright tittered and replied “Oh honey, that’s what we do here! You can trust us to get it right. Nothing at all to worry about.”




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From his cliffside villa near the apex of Mount Landfill on the outskirts of Schawumpta, WI, The Big Bater keeps a keen eye on world events both real and imagined, striving to provide the freshest satire available on the planet. Or off.