Declassified Documents Reveal Moon Landings Not Faked, but Elvis Was

Washington, DC:

A shocking release of previously classified, decades-old documents not only strongly suggest that the NASA moon landings were real, but that Elvis Presley was actually a government fabricated personality involving an army of actors over the years.

Popularly dubbed “The Swiveler Files”, the documents reveal an obscure and secrecy-shrouded division within the FBI created in 1949, the Counter-Subversive Domestic Psychological Operations Unit. This group was tasked with identifying and combating perceived internal security threats to the nation. The majority of the organizations effort throughout it’s forty year history was spent reversing the effect of Soviet backed subversive elements within the nation’s borders.

The collection of white papers, internal memos, and paper napkins cover a number of the operations the Unit ran, but the majority cover a plan devised in early 1953 titled Operation Sidestep , created to “Counter the Communist-driven influence of The Negro Sub-Culture upon The American Populace”

The Unit (And the FBI in general) saw the nascent “rock and roll” music genre as an attempt by communist agents to introduce black culture into then lily-white mainstream american society. The Unit determined there would be no way to stop this incursion but as one memo bluntly put it, “We can at least throw some whitewash on it.” The main objective was to create a Caucasian alternative to listeners of the new genre’, ostensibly to stem growing fears of inter-racial dating.

A complex and ambitious operation (initially expected to run only five years) was painstakingly planned to the last detail. The fictional persona of “Aaron Elvis Presley” was developed with every small detail needed to cover an entire lifetime. False documents such as a birth certificate and school records were forged and surreptitiously planted in appropriate local government offices. Actors were screened, loyalty tested, and hired with lucrative long-term contracts to live the lives of friends and family members of the fictional musician.

elvis-nixon
Rolf Haagstedder sworn in as the new King in 1970.

The part of Elvis was played by several actors over the years, but the primary King was one Gerald Muntz, originally from Detroit, Michigan. Other actors took his place when there were scheduling conflicts, Muntz’s vacation time, or the “urgent rest and detox” sessions that occurred on an ever increasing level, as Mr. Muntz experimented with many mood and mind-altering drugs and became addicted to all of them. Despite his personal issues, Muntz retained the role until his death in a drug-related bullfighting accident in 1970.  Rolf Haagstedder took on the primary role after being sworn in as The King by President Richard Nixon in a brief ceremony at the White House in December of the same year.

The appointment of Haagstedder caused consternation among the remaining cadre of stand-ins, many of whom quit their government acting job and struck out as freelance Elvis impersonators.

The tie-in to the Apollo Moon Program comes from a series of memos discussing the need for “false flags” to draw unwanted attention away from Operation Sidestep. In 1972 there had been a series of unfortunate “scheduling misadventures” that had threatened to expose the operation. Due to administrative errors Elvis had made personal appearances in as many as five locations scattered across the country, simultaneously. One agent suggested planting rumors that the Apollo Program had been staged, in order to distract from the recent scheduling stumbles.

The program was finally brought to a close in 1977, as it had become irrelevant to modern society several years earlier. The ending was as dramatic as the entire operation had been, with the elaborately staged death of the Elvis character. Several of the central characters were kept on in their roles to provide long-term cover for the operation.

The program was unique in that it is the only known government program that was entirely self-funding. Record and memorabilia sales paid for the entire operation over it’s entire run. In fact, the release of these documents has begun to raise questions about where this still-substantial revenue stream has been going since 1977.

 

 

 

About The Big Bater 128 Articles

From his cliffside villa near the apex of Mount Landfill on the outskirts of Schawumpta, WI, The Big Bater keeps a keen eye on world events both real and imagined, striving to provide the freshest satire available on the planet. Or off.