In Response to Telecommuting Demands, Firm Offers Live-In Cubicles to Employees

live in cubicleLittle Chute, WI:

In response to repeated demands for a flexible telecommuting plan from it’s research and clerical staff, the law firm of Habliff, Schnekdem and Predator, SC offered a revolutionary new solution: Cubicles that double as efficiency apartments, eliminating the need for employees to leave work, ever.

“We’ve recently realized this is a new millennium, and we need to evolve to meet the needs of our valued employees,” said the firm’s Human Resources Director Adolf Schlumpf. “We put in extensive research and worked with local architects and interior designers in the creation of what we call our “condocles”. Rather clever name, yes? I came up with that. Just came to me in the middle of the night! Luckily, the wifey was able to wake up easily so she could write it down.”

“Well anyways – these new units provide all of the necessities of living, condensed into the size of your average office cubicle. Take a look here. Looks like an average office chair, yes? But flip this lid up and viola! Personal chemical toilet. Only needs dumping every three days. Well, unless you eat a lot of Mexican food, yes? Everything needed is here. Personal microwave under the laser printer, hot and cold running water over here, dorm fridge next to the filing cabinet and by next week we’ll have optional cable available!”

He also revealed plans to install a coin operated laundry, convenience store and nightclub on the premises in the near future.

Mr. Schlumpf finished up with this: “We are confident this is a much better solution than trying to work from outside the office, what with all the daily distractions and management’s inability to walk in unannounced. And in our tradition of looking out for our employees’ best interests, we’ll be saving them a ton of money. We are offering these units at a fraction of the cost of renting a comparable efficiency apartment in this locale.”

 

 

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From his cliffside villa near the apex of Mount Landfill on the outskirts of Schawumpta, WI, The Big Bater keeps a keen eye on world events both real and imagined, striving to provide the freshest satire available on the planet. Or off.