East Office Annex, Heaven:
The Lord God Most High, Supreme Being, Creator of All Things be they fluffy or slimy, today announced the appointment of Apathy in the first expansion to the End of Times Team in well over six thousand years.
“We’re proud of the team we have, make no mistake.” said The Heavenly Potentate. “Despite some roller-coaster moments in quarterly performance reviews, this is a solid team. But times are changing, and we’re dealing with a vastly different demographic. With a huge percentage of humanity now having instant access to immediate news on issues of suffering, rampant crime, what have you, we recently discovered the significant demographic that simply does not care. A change was needed to reflect this group before the trumpets sound.”
One of the press members present asked God, Who Rules Over All, when the trumpets signifying the End of Existence were scheduled to sound. The Heavenly Father glanced at His watch and appeared ready to answer, before catching His Own Blessed Self and wagging a Holy Finger at the now smoking remains of the reporter and uttering “Hah … almost got Me!” with a most blessed grin.
The assembled press corps (including several dear departed members of our own Flying Car News Team) waited for three quarters of an eternity for the new appointee to make his scheduled appearance. A visibly annoyed Heavenly Father tried texting the errant angel one last time, before dispersing the press conference into nothingness with a wave of His hand.