‘Zero BPM’ Minimalist Music Newest Rave & Club Craze

zero-bpm-minimalist-musicHoboken, NJ:

It’s Saturday night at the recently re-opened Club Zero here on the nation’s East Coast. There’s standing room only in the club, and disappointed partiers are being turned away at the door. The dance floor is packed with patrons, all … just standing there. Most face the non-pulsating lights and static laser displays surrounding the DJ booth. A single, monotonous tone overpowers all other sound in the dimly lit, smoky hall. That sound is a hit single called ‘1420 Hz’, a dark and moody number and a favorite of fans of this new musical trend, ‘Zero BPM (Beats Per Minute)’.

“It’s pretty wild, how it all started,” club DJ Inigo “EggDrop” Marzallo told our own Flying Car News Team during a break in his duties. “I know dude who created this. “Wild” Bill Calimari. He’s like a god to DJs, man. So anyways, he’s spinnin’ at this rave, right? Evening is going great, dude has the crowd totally jacked, everything just smooth as silk. But he gets sorta carried away. Spills his energy drink into his best sampler, damn thing shorts out or sumpthin’, and this weird single tone goes out on the speakers.

So like the crowd, you think they’d be goin’ postal, right? But get this, they loved it, man! He just kept that tone playin’ for the next half hour while he tried to re-wire around the fried sampler. When he finally did get shit put right and started goin’ back to his discs, hey it was almost a riot then and there. Crowd wanted him to keep workin’ the tone! So, dude just keeps the tone goin’, for like the next five hours. That first track he created that night, that was ‘Bloody 4K’. Still a favorite. Epic, man! I know, I was there!”

Mr. Marzallo went into more depth than needed regarding his love for the new genre’. “This is like total freedom, man. I can read the crowd, work ’em like a fine instrument, and now I don’t worry about incidentals like rhythm or melody. I can cut in and out wherever I need to. Or hey, if the crowd is diggin’ it I can just keep the same song going for an hour or so.”

Our own Flying Car News Team also spoke with 22 year old freelance pastry technician and ZERO BPM enthusiast Katrina Shlinkner, as she and a group of friends stood still in perfect time to the music. “I’m just in love with this music. Especially the old school stuff they play here. Some of the other clubs, they get into that experimental chordal multi-tone stuff. That’s not for me. It ain’t got the sort of raw energy that’s in mono-tonal.”

Just then the current tone abruptly shifts to a new, higher register. “Omigod!” Ms. Shlinkner squeals with delight. “2750! This is the BEST!” She jumps up and down excitedly for just a moment, before taking a chagrined, stationary pose under the disapproving stares of several other patrons.

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From his cliffside villa near the apex of Mount Landfill on the outskirts of Schawumpta, WI, The Big Bater keeps a keen eye on world events both real and imagined, striving to provide the freshest satire available on the planet. Or off.