‘FeralTotz’ Offers Free-Range Daycare Service

feraltotzPahrump, NV:

Ten miles outside of town is a sprawling twenty-five acre complex, surrounded by a ten foot electrified fence, a guard tower at each of the four corners. At the gate you can see a couple of small buildings near the center of the otherwise barren landscape. Some primitive lean-tos dot the grounds.  If you look closely, you’ll see tiny furtive figures scurry from one structure to another. These are the young charges of FeralTotz, ranging in age from three to six years old.

This novel ‘free-range’ approach to children’s daycare is the brainchild of Ed and Edwina Grumly, local Pahrump residents and part-time real estate developers. Our own Flying Car News Team had the opportunity to speak with Ed and get a tour of the facility.

“About three quarters of our clients are looking for just the regular 9-5 service while they’re at work,” he told us. “The other quarter are taking advantage of our exclusive Extended Playtime option, where the tots may stay with us from a week, up to three months at a stretch.”

We asked Mr. Grumly if there were any potential negative effects to leaving such young children exposed to the outdoors for such long periods of time.

“Naw, I think you’ll find we go above and beyond whet most daycare providers offer in the way of ensuring the safety and security of our charges. I mean, we’re not monsters. There are watering and feed stations all over the range, and each precious bundle gets a GPS-enabled ear tag that helps us keep track of the little rapscallions. And if you lookie yonder,” He pointed  to one of the guard towers stationed at each corner of the center. “Those counselor towers are staffed twenty four hours a day, and all counselors are equipped with regular, infra-red and night-vision binoculars. Yep, those night-vision scopes cost a pretty penny, but we were able to get rid of the floodlights we used to keep going all night. Now those were expensive!”

“We also have a fully qualified and mostly licensed MD on our staff, who’s here twelve hours a day. For our Extended Playtime guests, we do a catch, welfare check and release each and every week.”

Mr Grumly said he and his wife are considering franchise options. “Course you get too far north, it’s pretty much a seasonal sorta thing right? But we’re talkin’ with a coupla ski resorts right now, about adding a smaller scale version of the works here, for their busy season.”


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From his cliffside villa near the apex of Mount Landfill on the outskirts of Schawumpta, WI, The Big Bater keeps a keen eye on world events both real and imagined, striving to provide the freshest satire available on the planet. Or off.