Mar-a-Lago Club, Palm Beach FL:
In a surprise move from his exclusive country club retreat today, President Donald Trump signed a new Executive Order directing the National Park Service to immediately begin planning and construction of hundreds of new public golf courses on national park lands, to be completed within an astonishing two year time table.
Officially dubbed the National Business Networking And Connectivity Act, the plan calls for a minimum of three hundred new courses to be completed within the two year window. The goal of the bold initiative is to offer more US citizens access to the deal making opportunities present in a golfing environment.
Club memberships will start at a base rate of $100 per year per individual, with a subsidy program to be determined on a sliding scale based on the current poverty rate.
The unannounced signing ceremony took place at the 11th hole on the exclusive course during the President’s game this morning, preceded by a brief statement from the President.
“Hey let’s be real here, right? The juiciest plums I ever got from any deal all happened on the fairway, not in some damn boardroom, OK? This huge new act is going to give millions of Americans the same opportunities I had. This is gonna be huge, I can promise you that! And as an added bonus, it’s gonna create thousands of new caddy jobs for our most impoverished citizens and those immigrants, too. Mark my words, this will be great!”
An additional section of the order calls on the Department of Education to begin devising a new mandatory Golf Essentials Program, to be added to the physical education curriculum at all levels of public education.