CostCo to Offer ‘White Right Specials’, to Counter Walmart Sales Lead Among White Supremacists with ‘Price Blitz-Back’ Promotions

Photo: Samuel Corum via Getty Images

Charlottesville, VA:

In an effort to counter recent successes by major competitor Wal-Mart in tapping the lucrative White Supremacist market, retail chain CostCo is announcing a new series of promotions under the newly coined ‘White Right Special‘ flag.

“It’s a dog-eat-dog market, I’ll tell you what,” stated CostCo’s Manager for Sales-Southeast Division Cornbrucker Smythe, at a brief launch ceremony at this beleaguered city’s largest CostCo location. “We keep track of our competitors, close as a tick on a hound dog’s neck. Have to. That’s how you survive. We’ve seen a recent thousand-fold increase in Wal-Mart’s sales of tiki torches, Busch Beer and baseball bats in just one week since they launched their ‘Price Blitz-Back’ campaign in the region.

Our new promotion will not only meet, but beat Wal-Marts pricing on these items. And we ain’t stopping there, no sir! We’ve identified additional items and categories where your average nazi or klan member is looking for value.”

“Of course, I can’t rightly tell you all the details.” he said with a chuckle. “That would spoil the surprise. But why don’t y’all come right in and find out for your own selves?”

Representatives of Wal-Mart’s Sales and Promotions Division declined an interview, instead providing a prepared statement that the retail behemoth will be rolling out a ‘Final Solution‘ to the ongoing marketing battle in the near future.

About The Big Bater 131 Articles
From his cliffside villa near the apex of Mount Landfill on the outskirts of Schawumpta, WI, The Big Bater keeps a keen eye on world events both real and imagined, striving to provide the freshest satire available on the planet. Or off.