A dark horse write-in candidate running in the special election for Mayor of Racine has proposed some unique initiatives, and continued the trend today, one day before the Primary election round.
Racine resident John Acheson, whose earlier platform proposals include renaming the Office of The Mayor to ‘City Dude‘ along with plans to house his office in a nuclear powered dirigible continually hovering over the Midwestern city, today announced his plan to introduce ‘Loitering Meters‘ to the city’s Downtown area.
“This is a real win-win, any way you look at it,” the candidate told our own Flying Car News Team during a telephone interview. “First off, we got a lot of bored youths, no place to go and nothing to do, right? So they hang out downtown. And sometimes they cause some trouble. Ususally nothing major, but enough to make the fat-wallets leery of venturing downtown. Well that sure don’t make the merchants in the area happy. And then, we got your ‘window shoppers’. Coming downtown just to look in shop windows, meet friends, socialize. Well that ain’t paying the bills, know what I mean?”
“So I plan to cover the entire Downtown area with these state-of-the-art loitering meters. These things got all the candy, know what I mean? First off, they have these motion and proximity sensors that can not only detect a loiterer or group of loiterers within it’s proximity, it can even determine how many people. And then it uses the built-in voice synthesizer to request the appropriate fee for a minimum of fifteen minutes loitering time. And the meter will take coins, bills, credit or debit cards, even Apple Pay! Like I said, state-of-the-art.”
When asked about enforcement of the new loitering ordinance and fees, the presumptive mayor grew even more enthusiastic. “These babies have a three stage violation response algorithm,” he explained. “At the first stage, the meter verbally requests that the violators either pay the fee or move on. If they ignore that, the second stage kicks in. Each unit has a sound system built in, and at Stage Two will begin playing tracks from ‘ABBA’s Greatest Hits‘, at a steadily increasing volume. If that still ain’t doing the job, it goes to Stage Three, Autonomous Enforcement Mode. This one’s really sweet. The built-in surveillance camera takes several high resolution photos of the ordinance violator or violators, and an alert is immediately sent to the Police Department. Then, the meter arms and deploys it’s Multiple Target taser-based Compliance Unit. Sweet, huh?”