New iPhone Offers ‘X-Ray Selfie’ Mode

x-ray-selfie-modeCupertino, CA:

Further details of the new iPhone X from Apple (NASDAQ: AAPL) were released today during a press briefing at the computer giant’s headquarters in Cupertino. The company’s Director of Brand Incursion, Cynthia Arbormeister demonstrated several new features, focusing on one in particular, the new X-Ray Selfie mode.

“This is not simply some silly filter like those from snapchat and other amateurs,” Ms. Arbormeister stated. “That’s not how we roll here at Apple. When we do something, we do it big.

We licensed the same ‘Scatter X-Ray’ technology used by the Transportation Safety Authority. We sliced it, diced it, and compressed it all into a single chip. In short, we made it cool. Apple cool.”

When asked about any potential dangers that a hand-held X-Ray emitter might present, Ms Arbormeister became vaguely adamant in defense of the new technology.

“Those fears are, quite simply put, unfounded. Putting our valued and loyal customers in any sort of harms way would be uncool, straight out. And we are Apple, the epitomy of cool. It would be physically impossible for us to do such a thing. Why, the inconsequential amount of background radiation emitted by this feature is well below the small amount used to make a bag of popcorn, for example. Hardly a concern!”

Ms Arbormeister finished with a bit of helpful advice for users of the new technology:

“We do recommend wearing, perhaps, oh a nice, thick glove while using this new feature. The case does tend to get a bit warm while the X-Ray transmitter powers up.”


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