Internet Users Worldwide Report ‘Record Breaking’ Speed Increases During Facebook Outage

facebook-downMenlo Park, CA:

Multiple reports of ‘crazy fast‘ internet access speed increases were reported worldwide this morning, during a nearly two and a half hour service outage at social media monolith Facebook (NASDAQ: FB) which left millions of frustrated users staring at error messages or blank screens.

“Yeah, this is really sweet right now,” noted blogger and video pirate Vinny Keplinktor told our own Flying Car News Team in a telephone interview. “D’ya know, I was able to finally download the entire third season of Golden Girls in under a half hour? Dude! I’ve been after those for months! This is wild, just wild!”

The New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) and other exchanges worldwide reported a short-lived ‘rollercoaster ride’ as hundreds of thousands of transactions were suddenly being received several seconds earlier than usual, tilting the strategy table of many larger investment houses.

The only noticeable ‘big loser’ during the outage was internet search leviathan Google, where a record number of requests for ‘Where the hell is facebook?’ brought servers to a halt.

Representatives at the social media giant’s corporate office could not be reached for comment, as the doorbell at the main entrance appeared to be down.

About John 'Tinfoil' Acheson 11 Articles

Noted science aficionado and conspiracy theorist John ‘Tinfoil’ Acheson currently helms our Science Desk. John works tirelessly to bring you the latest wonders from the cutting-edge world of science and technology, WHO is really responsible, and WHY.