Local Man Wants to See One Word, Just One F*cking Word, Randomly Spelled Out in His Alphabet Soup Before He Dies

one-word-in-soupSchawumpta, WI:

Nelson Burmeister Creedy has had a single consuming passion, dare we say obsession, since childhood. An obsession which has eluded him these past 47 years. A dream he has spent countless hours, and dollars, pursuing:

Nelson Burmeister Creedy wants to see just one fucking word randomly spelled out in his alphabet soup before he dies. Just one.

Mr. Creedy, currently employed as a part-time ball washer at the Whale of a Time miniature golf course in downtown Schawumpta, has chased this dream for three decades and change, with no success.

“I’ve been eating Alphabet soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner for over thirty years,” Mr Creedy lamented to our own Flying Car News Team, in an exclusive interview during a recent smoke break at Whale of a Time. “I’ve tried different brands, different cooking methods, different serving sizes, you name it I tried it. I even did a very involved experiment using soup bowls made of different materials. Stoneware, porcelain, plastic, everything. Spent five years on that. And nothing! You think maybe I’d at least get a single letter ‘A’ or an “I”, it’d still be a word, right? Nope. Never even got one single vowel I could call a word.”

When asked how long he intends to chase this dream, Mr. Creedy sighed and said, “Geez I don’t know, man. This has cost me two marriages, most of my friends, my career as an electrical engineer, and the respect of my children. But I just can’t give it up, you know? Somehow, someday, I’ll win. I’ll beat the soup.”



About The Big Bater 131 Articles
From his cliffside villa near the apex of Mount Landfill on the outskirts of Schawumpta, WI, The Big Bater keeps a keen eye on world events both real and imagined, striving to provide the freshest satire available on the planet. Or off.