Oval Office Panic: Rumors Surfacing that President Suspects ‘Nuclear Button’ May Be a Prop


Washington, DC:

The unofficial rumor wires are abuzz today in the nation’s capitol, due to unsubstantiated statements made by “top officials” among the White House staff. According to insiders, the news may break as early as this afternoon that the Presidential Nuclear Button is a prop, and has been for over forty years. And further, that currently seated POTUS Donald Trump has been questioning his staff about the actual status of the ever-present device.

Our own Flying Car News Team contacted our own inside source, a mid-level manager in the White House Emergency Catering System.

“Yeah, the BZB (Buzy-Button) Initiative has been around since the Kennedy Administration,” our source told us. “Ever since Dr. Strangelove, it’s the first thing every incoming president wants to know about. And these guys don’t like taking no for an answer. So, it’s always been easier to just show them a big damned control panel. Didn’t even need to hook it up to anything until that embarrassing incident with President Johnson. Since then, it does set off an alarm at a Situation Desk at the Pentagon. I can’t tell you what happens after that, though.”

According to rumors, President Trump has pressed the North Korea targeting/launch button on numerous occasions, and is beginning to doubt constant excuses from The Defense Department about connection issues.

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From his cliffside villa near the apex of Mount Landfill on the outskirts of Schawumpta, WI, The Big Bater keeps a keen eye on world events both real and imagined, striving to provide the freshest satire available on the planet. Or off.